I Never Win Anything...of value.

I must have done something mildly inappropriate in a previous life. I came back as a human in a 1st world country, got all my fingers and toes, but I never win anything...of value.

I'm the person who enters a contest where the top prize is an around-the-world all expenses paid trip...and I win a subscription to a travel magazine. Hey, I get it, a prize is a prize...but still. Now I'm saddled with a year's worth of travel articles that I will never read. The pile will grow higher and higher, each month's issue adding to my guilt about the resources wasted to produce these magazines. I'll try and donate them to someone, but they'll end up, unread, in the recycling because NO ONE wants a subscription to a travel magazine.

This time of year brings with it a great Canadian contest...of course I'm talking about Roll Up the Rim. Once a year we all pretend to really want Timmy's (foul, stomach-turning) coffee, and find excuses to shamefully shuffle off in search of a cup of brown water dressed up in copious amounts of cream and sugar. ...I am no stranger to the lure of Roll Up the Rim.

I find myself planning the route I walk to encounter a Tim Hortons, I fool myself into really "needing" a cup of their steeped asswater tea and a chocolate chip muffin (but back off those muffins, they are delicious and I will cuttabish who don' beliebe), and like every abusive relationship...they smack me down then draw me back with every empty useless win.

The top prizes this year  are *ahem* (types from cup in hand): 3D TVs, hybrid SUVs, camping packages, digital cameras, giftcards, and 47million (yes, 47,000,000) "food & drink" prizes.

Who wouldn't love a 3D TV? Or a new car? Or hell, who wouldn't love a full camping equipment package? If I won any of those I'd be jumping and dancing and tweeting the hell out of the internets...

But alas, free brown water is my reward, my curse, my vice.


Please sir, can I have another? (also, insert an obligatory Chris Brown joke in here that I'm obviously too tasteful to write, but not classy enough to not plant in your head...)